We've Reached a New Low

Excuse me while I get on my soap box, but I really need to get something off my chest…and since it is my blog, I think I’ll do it here. If you don’t want to hear the rant…it’d be best to move on now.

Since when did coaches become so “win at all cost?” I’m really, really sick to death of it.

Caleb is playing football for the Optimists this year. There were no open spots on the team where most of his friends from school play on, so I just signed him up and they placed him on a team that needed more players. Fine…I have no problem with him meeting new kids, us meeting new adults, etc. Everything seemed well organized…we were enjoying the practices…Caleb is loving playing…so everything was going well until…at last Saturday’s game, Steve was asked to be a monitor which is basically someone who counts plays. You see in Optimist rules, every player must play at least 9 plays each half. So basically you have 2 guys for each team…one calling out numbers, the other circling plays so that each player can get their allotted plays in. This is done so that every kid can get playing time and learn the game…RIGHT? I mean that’s why I signed Caleb up for football…he wanted to play, he wanted to learn how, and the coaches sign up to teach them, right? No…wrong. I realize I am generalizing to the inth degree and that there are a lot of good coaches out there, but sadly, this is not our first experience with it…and I’m just ticked that ELEMENTARY sports has come to this.

So Steve was doing his thing last Saturday…circling plays while the other guy with him is calling out jersey numbers. Steve is keeping the coach informed of what players still need to get in plays all during the half…but the coach is not putting in those players. And because 7 players did not get in enough plays during the first half, those players got to play the entire second half…it’s the rules. I’m glad…because you know what? Those parents…the parents of the 7 players? They paid the same amount of registration fee, bought the same uniforms, have sweated their butts off at the same practices, and purchased spirit wear…just like the coaches’ sons…and just like the coaches’ friends’ sons who have played every play. And do you know what else? Those kids…those 7 kids? They all have the desire to play…they want to play, they want to learn, they want their parents to see them run with the ball or tackle another player. Most of them don’t care if they win or lose…they just want to play and have fun.

This coach had the audacity to come up to Steve after the game and say “hey man, sometimes you just have to circle some numbers whether they play or not. Everyone does it. It’s okay.” Oh, you mean, everyone cheats so that the favored players can play as much as the coaches want them to and so it will stop being about learning a game and having fun, but it all becomes about winning at all cost? You mean that? First of all, he is seriously barking up the wrong tree if he thinks Steve would ever do that. I’m surprised Steve was able to keep his composure and walk away from the man. I’m actually surprised the man still has eyebrows after the look Steve game him. Needless to say, I’m sure Steve will never be asked to monitor a game again.

Please tell me that our society hasn’t come to this…that winning is more important than having fun with other kids playing a fun game. I’m not talking about not keeping score…I totally agree with keeping score and kids having to learn how to win and lose. That’s not it. And I am not talking about sports in upper grades like High School and College. I don’t have a problem with that being about a kid’s ability, or lack thereof because there are scholarships being handed out for that. But people, I am talking about elementary kids…6, 7, 8, 10 years old!

Most parents put their kids in sports to learn…learn the game, the rules, strategies, sportsmanship, winning and losing…and most parents desperately want their kids to have fun and get some exercise. There is nothing better than seeing a kid beaming about the catch he just made…or the tackle…or the ball he just hit…or the homerun he just made. And when you’re a grown up, you really don’t think back about your sports experience in elementary and think “we were top dog” or “we beat every team.” Because at that point, NO ONE REALLY CARES if you won every one of your elementary games…seriously (sorry to shout, but it's true). You know what you remember? How much fun you had playing with your friends. Throwing the ball around to each other…tackling each other…sharing bubble gum and peanuts with your teammates, making goofy faces for pictures, and having snacks after the game.

I played softball and basketball when I was in elementary school. I can honestly say when I think about those days, I couldn’t tell you how many games we won. We were the Cottontails (the mighty, mighty Cottontails)and as you can tell by the name, we were good and we won plenty…but I didn’t keep count. And the trophies? They’re dusty and dirty and in a rubbermaid container high on a shelf in a storage shed. But I do remember I played with some of my best friends and we had so much fun in the dugout and on the bench…and playing around at practice…and going to get ice cream with everyone after a game. I remember crying after losing a softball tournament we were so close in winning…but the tears stopped soon after when I got to spend the night with one of my friends from the team.

When I see what I see these days, I think it really matters more to the testosterone-driven coaches than the players whether they win or not…because they make decisions based on what they think will make the team win at all costs. I love to win as much as the next person, but not at the cost of cheating a player out of their plays, at the cost of a kid feeling inadequate…at the cost of a kid’s self-esteem. Because that hurts...it really hurts.

“A Coach's Guide to Developing Self-Esteem”…Individual and team performance is directly related to how an athlete feels about him/herself. Your athletes will learn faster, perform better and have fewer performance problems when you help them feel good about themselves. (competitiveedge.com)

Wow, thank you. I feel much better after getting that off my chest.