Happy Birthday Cody

Dear Cody,

Twelve years ago today, you changed my life. I dreamed of a day like that, but honestly didn’t know if it would ever come true. You don’t realize it now, but 34 is pretty late to be starting to have kids. But God is good…and the only explanation I can give is that He loves me so much.

On Valentine’s Day of 1996, your daddy said the sweetest words to me…let’s start a family. So we began thinking about you, and praying for you. Finally on September 8th, I felt like I was pregnant so I rushed to the store and bought a home pregnancy test. The test came back negative, and I was so disappointed. That’s one of the toughest disappointments there is as an adult. We continued to pray, and dream and hope.

Since I was feeling different even after finding out I wasn’t pregnant, I made a doctor’s appointment for me on September 16th. When the nurse wanted me to take a pregnancy test, I told her I already had and it was negative…she still wanted me to take another one. So I did, and I was seated in the waiting room to wait for the doctor. The nurse opened the door to call me in and when I got to the door, she said, “Your test was positive.” Unfortunately, you’ll never know what those words mean to a woman, but let me just say…they are awesome! I started shaking…I couldn’t write. I began to cry…and as I got in the car to leave, I began to whisper prayers of gratitude to the Lord. I was a mother…a mother!…and at that moment I fell head over heels in love with you.

I rushed home so I could tell daddy in person. I wasn’t sure he would comprehend since he was sleeping from being at work all night…but he perked up pretty fast when I said those words…”I’m pregnant.” He was in shock, and then he cried. He kept hugging me and telling me he loved me…and then for the first of many times to come, he kissed my belly and told you he loved you.

That day was the day we began to care for you…to make sure you were safe and well fed…and loved. I began to see the doctor once a month, and he told me to expect you on May 23, 1997. We couldn’t wait for that day to arrive.

On October 31st, we saw your heart beating on a sonogram…and I cried. You were 10.6 weeks old.

On December 4th, I heard your heart beat for the first time…and I cried.

On January 2, 1997, I felt you kick for the first time and it felt like little tiny butterflies fluttering around…and I cried.

On January 3, 1997, we saw you again in a sonogram…and discovered you were a boy…and I cried!

On January 11, 1997, you gave us a scare and I was put on bedrest for the weekend…and I cried more than I’d ever cried before. I believe that was the first time you enjoyed doing things that scare me.

On May 21, 1997, I went in for my appointment and my blood pressure was high, so the doctor told me no more working…and I cried because I was ready for you to come. I went home and waited.

At 7:00 a.m. on May 23rd, you made your intentions known. You woke me up and I started having pains. At around 11 that morning, my contractions started being about 1 to 2 minutes apart, so we woke daddy up and left for the hospital to wait for your arrival.

After a long day of pain and waiting, the doctor told us around 9:45 p.m. that you weren't going to budge from your comfy little home, and he thought he should go in and get you. I was prepared for surgery, and at 10:45 p.m., the doctor cut me open and pulled you out. You started crying and it was the sweetest cry I had ever heard.

The nurse held your face up to mine and I kissed you and told you how much I loved you…and I cried.

In the last 12 years I’ve watched you grow and learn, laugh and cry, be gentle and rough…and I’ve loved every minute of it. You are witty, and smart…and handsome and sweet.

You are mine…and yet I decided 12 years ago to give you back to the One who gave you to me. And He is weaving together a wonderful, beautiful, amazing person…and I smile and smile.

Love,

Mama