This is Me Not Planning

Oh sweet internet, I have missed you. Here it is the 12th day of 2010...a new year, and I haven’t seen you in many months. Well that’s not totally true. I haven’t seen MY blog in many months...I have seen plenty of others. And honestly, I don't feel ready to write today because I feel like I need to close out 2009 first before I can begin 2010 (could that be the accounting brain of mine?). I didn’t finish 2009...and I had so many other stories I wanted to tell and so many more pictures I wanted to share. But I guess I let my perfectionism get in the way of the true enjoyment of just sitting down and writing. I wanted all the stories to be in chronological order...and so I kept putting off writing a new story because I hadn’t written the old. I’m guessing this is why many people stop blogging all together. They pause...and then get overwhelmed at the need for orderly succession. I’m that kind of person. I’m stepping off the ledge here people...trying to be more spontaneous.

So first let me start with...Hi, my name is Gina. And I am a perfectionist and an orderly person. I like spreadsheets and check-off lists (this is where you say in unison “Welcome, Gina”). Today, I will start writing again and not even apologize for the fact that I didn’t finish blogging about 2009. I will write what I feel and post pictures of my punks doing and saying crazy things...and be okay with the missing data. (I think I just threw up a little bit in my mouth.)

A new year always brings with it a review of the old year...what hurt, what made me happy, what I wish I could take back, and what I wish I would have done a couple more times. And then there’s the Resolutions...that will inevitably get broken by Day 2...usually. It seemed like January 1st came and went so fast this year that I didn’t even consider making any Resolutions...just as well. They would have just forced me to make yet another checklist of things I am currently working on, and things that I need to do in the future. Another checklist to check things off of. {Sigh.}

I know God made me the way I am, but I also know that satan can use perfectionism to keep me from taking risks, dreaming dreams and doing hard things simply because I get bogged down with the details...the planning...the totally leaving God out of the picture. And just like every other year, I want 2010 to be a year of stepping out of my comfort zone...off the ledge, and for me to look more like Him at the end.

Our family is planning a trip this year as an exploratory trip...to find out how God wants to use us. As of right now, we do not have a date, reservations, airplane tickets, or even a specific destination city. We just know we’re supposed to go. We have no idea what God is going to show us when we get there. I’m a little afraid. Scared of what He may be calling us to do. I’m also scared not to go because God is stirring my heart so much for this place. I don’t want to end up one day with the regret of not obeying God and missing all the blessings He has for us.

And I don’t want to live my life just checking things off a list. I want to be fearless, brave and excited to face the unknown. I feel like I should be wearing a cape right now. And maybe a cute pair of boots.

“This is God's Message, the God who made earth, made it livable and lasting, known everywhere as God: Call to me and I will answer you. I'll tell you marvelous and wondrous things that you could never figure out on your own.” Jeremiah 33:2-3