Yes Caleb, There is a Santa Clause

Well today the charade ended. There have been signs for months, maybe years, that I don't have babies in my house anymore...that my boys are growing up and I can no longer deny the fact that they are one step closer to not crawling up in my bed for a tickling/giggling session anymore, or taking bubble baths, or calling me 'mommy.' Today, Caleb told me he doesn't believe in Santa Clause anymore.

And I know this conversation should not have led to tears, but come on, it’s me...and most things that make me realize my boys are growing up leads me to tears. We were riding home from church, and my niece, Ashley, asked Caleb something about Santa. He immediately looked at me, and his eyes filled with tears. He said, “I kind of know it’s really you and daddy, but I still believe.” Just seeing him get emotional made me teary and I asked him why he was crying. He said, “ever since I was five, you wanted me to believe in Santa, but the kids at school told me it wasn’t real.” I know he was emotional because he thought it would make me sad because he didn’t believe anymore…that’s how sweet and tender he is. I hugged him, and told him that we only wanted him to believe in Santa because it’s just a fun thing at Christmas…and it’s okay that he doesn’t believe anymore. “Santa” will still visit every Christmas and we’ll still have fun “believing.” About 30 minutes later, you could tell he was still thinking about it and he said, “I still kind of believe in Santa, mom.” I asked him why and he said because he still wants to tell little kids to believe, but in my heart I think it’s probably because he thinks he might not get as many presents…either way, I’m okay with that.

And while I’m sad that the childhood innocence of believing in Santa no longer exists in my house, I want to make sure I always see the positive side of things too. Like, not having to watch what we say to make sure we don’t give it away, or not having to buy double gifts and making sure Santa looks like a rock star…believe me this gets harder as they get older and a stocking full of hot wheels cars do not cut it anymore. And then there’s not having to get up at 5 a.m. on Christmas morning to make sure we capture on video the first look of excitement in seeing what Santa brought.

But then again, we will never again capture on video those precious little faces and the first look of excitement in seeing what Santa brought. Those tubals can be reversed, right?